Single And Lovin' It?

It's been seven months since I've become single. Seven months without someone whom I can called Sayang. I think being dumped this time around I took it quite nicely, compared to my previous relationship. Now that's a road we DON'T wanna go again. It's a bumpy road, filled with emotional scars, bad judgment and stupid mistakes. 

Although I must admit that there a few bad calls that I might have made after my recent breakup, but all in all, I think I handle it quite okay. Must be the age thing, you know. Being mature and all. Kah kah kah. Yeah, right.

Anyways, being single at this age has come with a set of unique problems with it too. These past few weeks I suddenly had an urged to get married. I mean to really settle down. Find a nice girl and just get married, without the complications of being in a relationship first. Bercinta lepas kahwin, bak kata orang. 

I don't know. Probably seeing a lot of my friends now who are either engaged or married, it activates the marriage nerve on my medulla oblongata that's been dormant all these years. I mean, yeah, I’ve had plans in my head about marriage with my ex-girlfriend but never had I strong urges like this before.

"Kan best kalau balik rumah ni ada bini tunggu?"

"Weekend ni kalau keluar dating dengan bini pegi Zoo ke best jugak"

"Malam ni Khamis malam Jumaat. Kena balik awal ni."

Those were some of the thoughts that’s been in my mind these past few weeks (especially the last one. Kah kah kah). Coming home after a hard day's work to someone who is beautiful and smell much nicer than you is definitely something worth thinking about for a few weeks, right? 

I think that my nephews and nieces also played a part in getting me all worked up over marriage. I love all my nephews and nieces to death that it got me thinking maybe I should get one of my own too! Haha. I love kids. I love being a father. It would be fun having a child to call your own. To play with them, nurture them, teaching them and most importantly to love them.  I have even already planned the names I want to give to my future children! So to my future wife, if you're reading this, ikut je la cakap saya ye? Mua ha ha ha ha.

Truthfully though, I don't think I am ready to get married. Aside from the financial obstacle (I'm broke), one of the things that really worries me is regarding my character. Peribadi aku. I remember reading the Seven Habits book by Stephen Covey and he wrote;

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.

Ultimately, who we are inside determines what we say and do. In Islam, Prophet Muhammad once said;

Ketahuilah bahawa dalam jasad manusia ada seketul daging (segumpal darah), jika baik maka baiklah seluruh anggota dan jika rosak maka rosaklah seluruh anggota, itulah hati.

I am a mess. I have weaknesses in my self that I need to overcome. I believe I need to correct myself, to improve on my character before I can really begin a relationship that requires a huge commitment as marriage. Looking back at my previous relationships, I believe that it failed because I do not have the strength  of character to maintain them. If I think this quote from the Seven Habits book can sum up what I'm feeling and thinking right now.

The techniques and skills that really make a difference in human interaction are the ones that almost naturally flow from a truly independent character. So the place to begin building any relationship inside ourselves, inside our Circle of Influence, our own character. As we become independent - proactive, centered in correct principles, value driven and able to organize and execute around the priorities in our life with integrity - we then can choose to become interdependent - capable of building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people.

p/s: after building my character, I need to figure out a way to get Diana Danielle to say YES when I propose to her in the future pulak.